Why Tom Brady Can’t Have Our Nightshade Free BBQ Sauce

 

Mastodon Paleo Barbecue Sauce

If you BBQ for Tom Brady, leave out the nightshades!

Tom Brady Mastodon Helmet

The unofficial Mastodon team helmet.

Sorry Patriots fans, but the KC Natural team is going to make sure Tom Brady can’t get his hands on our Mastodon Paleo BBQ sauce, which is the only nightshade free blend available on the market. In case you missed it, a recent article on Yahoo! talked about Tom’s strict diet that he hopes will help him continue throwing touchdowns into his 40’s. One of the noted restrictions was eliminating nightshades, which most people never heard of until reading about his eating habits.

If we’re talking BBQ, a nightshade would mean tomatoes and any spice derived from peppers (cayenne, black pepper, paprika, chili powder, and many others that are staple ingredients in about every BBQ sauce). On top of that, Paleo AIP (nightshade free) sauces have sweetener restrictions that eliminate probably 99.9% of other sauces for people who have to follow that lifestyle.

According to the article, Tom’s personal chef, Allen Campbell, says “[Tom] doesn’t eat nightshades, because they’re not anti-inflammatory. So no tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms, or eggplants. Tomatoes trickle in every now and then, but just maybe once a month. I’m very cautious about tomatoes. They cause inflammation.” Well, Allen, you wouldn’t have to be cautious about our Mastodon sauce when it comes to tomatoes. We don’t have an organic version yet. We know you prefer it. But we’re a small company, give us time. You could still use our Mastodon sauce in a pinch, if Tom really wanted some KC style Q after being bumped out of the playoffs this weekend.

People who know us understand our company mission is to make sure everyone can enjoy delicious BBQ no matter what their dietary restrictions or autoimmune challenges-

Everyone that is, except Thomas Edward Patrick “Tom” Brady, Jr.

Or at least until this Saturday night around 7pm central time, after being handed a loss at the hands of my beloved Kansas City Chiefs. Until that hypothetical daydream transpires, I’m saving my remaining bottles in case the Chiefs want KC Natural to cater their victory lunch next Monday.

Like most KC fans, I’m feeling cocky because I just witnessed the Chiefs win their first playoff game in 23 years. That means nothing to most everyone in this world. But think about that, fellow sports fans. Especially those who sit through season after season of heartbreak (I’m looking at you, Cleveland.) Kurt Cobain could have watched the Chiefs win their last post season game. Paying for bottled water was still a joke. And we still had time to band together as a nation and stop the Insane Clown Posse from building a following. Add that playoff win to the high of coming back from a 1-5 season start, while still feeling the reverberations around town from that beautiful and dramatic Royals World Series, it does feel like something special is going to happen. Like it’s FINALLY our year. But then again, if the Chiefs do fall to the Pats on Saturday, everyone around town will still talk about what a great run it was, and how we at least broke our losing streak. I think that says more about our city than anything.

Maybe I’m cynical, but I can hear you Pats fans snickering right now. Maybe you’re already looking ahead to a hypothetical AFC Championship game with Denver or Pittsbrgh. And we can’t blame you if you’re confident this time of year, or anyone else who’s placing money on you to win this game. You have a few Lombardi trophies to your name. Playoff wins happen all the time. But I don’t think it’s a coincidence that your star QB is feeling what we’ve been feeling over here on the KC side of the ball about the whole nightshade thing. And it kinda makes me like Tom a little bit more to think we have the only sauce he could even pick from a shelf without straying from his diet.

I also don’t think it’s a coincidence that in the past few months since its release, our Mastodon nightshade free BBQ sauce been by far our best-selling sauce. Instead of tomatoes and the typical white/brown sugar, we make it with a base of carrots, molasses and pure maple syrup. It’s so good, Tom wouldn’t even know there aren’t any tomatoes in it. He would just notice what a unique naturally sweet and smoky flavor it is, which is probably why people even put it on vegetables and tofu.

Although we are going to make Tom hold off on trying our sauce till Saturday night at the earliest, we will make exceptions to Pats fans. If you want to eat BBQ and avoid adding inflammation to the stress of watching our defense sack your star QB for three straight hours, you can go ahead and order our Mastodon sauce from the Kansas City BBQ Store. We won’t even judge you. We bet your current favorite BBQ sauce comes from Kansas City anyway. And don’t worry, your bottle of Mastodon sauce comes delivered in a discreet box, so your neighbors won’t know you’re finishing the postseason KC style.

No matter who you’re rooting for this postseason, we have sauces for every BBQ lover- even those who don’t give two cents about football. We just want everyone to enjoy the flavors that made Kansas City famous, no matter what their dietary restrictions or lifestyle.

Even opposing quarterbacks named Tom Brady.

Sincerely,

KC Natural

Go Chiefs!!!

Mastodon on KC Chiefs jersey